Chasing Ghosts
Craig Livermore
It continues to amaze me that our subjective thoughts are not reality—not even close. Life is far more endemically free from us than we are from ourselves. It remains un-phased by our contingently determined and diversely influenced reality. As much as this is true for all of us, it explodes on the obvious surface for the urban teens that we serve.
The pain that such teens have internalized runs deeply into the interstices of their reality. Yet they, as we all have a tendency to do, have reified that pain to become something other than it was at its source. The pain of abandonment—of never really knowing a parent—or, perhaps, never really knowing either parent—for example, strikes at the root of who one is. To those of us whose parents have been an ubiquitous reality, such pain is almost unfathomable. Yet, such pain is constantly projected outward when the source has long since vanished.
So, when students respond with overly triumphant swagger and taunts to an opposing argument, they are attempting to show that they can prove themselves. They desire to display that they can conquer; can win; can take back that which has been so unfairly taken. The unfortunate paradox in such a display, however, is that it is not strength that is being displayed, but the lack of internal solidity which demands defensiveness instead of composure.
And, it seems to me, such students are really trying to prove themselves to a phantom which not only was never really there, but which need not be there now in their heads. This is not to belittle the momentous inertia which blocks such realization. But it is to proclaim that we have seen it done. It is to say that it can be done, not only in urban heroes, but by ordinary teens challenging themselves to extraordinary things. For to liberate ourselves from the demons which have been created by others, but which we perpetuate, is to unlock potential which knows no bounds.
But self-liberation is also the most difficult task. Can we help urban teens self-liberate? Is this not an oxymoron? I think the answer is that we can create structures in which it is clear that we expect them to self-liberate—slowly, over time, and with a great deal of support. We can provide an environment which constantly communicates that not only do we understand the great pain that they feel, but that we know they can—they will—realize that such pain need not determine their reality.